


For God's sake hold your tongue, and let me love

by ExLibrisCraux, yakyuu_yarou



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: (it's the LOLOMG), Drabble Sequence, Epistolary, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24623719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExLibrisCraux/pseuds/ExLibrisCraux, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yakyuu_yarou/pseuds/yakyuu_yarou
Summary: It is not entirely unreasonable to assume that, while and after the world ended, the current acting head of the al-Tahan family and Oscar Wilde would have kept in contact.
Relationships: Saira al-Tahan/Oscar Wilde
Comments: 22
Kudos: 29





	1. Damascus/Cairo

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from _The Canonization_ by John Donne.

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

I am afraid this is not merely a status report.

As you know, Hamid’s contingent has been working to recover Ishak, as well as others, all close to members of the party.

It is Hades, of course.

The hostages are being held in Rome.

They made use of Einstein to put themselves, in theory, close to where Ishak and the rest are being held hostage, with the intention of swiftly and - one hopes - unnoticeably retrieving the captives.

Einstein has returned. He is alone. 

I sent them to Rome, Saira, and not one of them has come back.

Forgive me.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Wilde,

Excuse my late reply. I have informed my family, and we have needed time.

I have, of course, also informed Apophis, and he was as pleased as you might expect. He has ordered further investigation into Hades’ people, though I do not know who by. If there is any news, I will of course keep you informed.

Thank Einstein for me, please. He must have done his best.

In turn, I ask that you let me know as soon as – if and when– you hear anything of my brothers and their friends.

I hope to hear from you soon.


	2. Damascus/Cairo

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

I have not been advised who Apophis’ agents are for the ongoing investigation. He has not reached out to me.

I remain in Damascus for the time being, and Einstein is establishing a... base camp, for lack of better term, at his teleportation site. He has asked to remain and keep watch for the group’s return, and I could find no reason to deny it.

I am receiving disturbing reports from London and Paris. Rumours of some unknown disease. I have no reliable details yet - has anything come to your ears?

I will send word if there is news.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Wilde,

You should have been informed. I’ll make inquiries, but this is currently outside of my responsibilities.

Keep an eye on Einstein, if you would. He likely needs it. And on yourself.

I have heard of the riots, yes, though no disease. However, recent reports from other Meritocrats have been strangely … conflicting, even contradictory on occasion. The office has begun carefully filtering correspondence, but ours has been deemed personal and inconspicuous so far. It seems wise to be wary.

Apophis is keeping those close to him closer still, yet less informed. I worry for what a dragon fears.

Saira


	3. Damascus/Cairo

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

I have acquired a handful of sources outside the usual channels, which funnel a different flavour of information. Supplementary, one might say. It is less regular, but always informative.

The riots are not the only trouble we are facing, I’m afraid. I’ve been puzzling over the shift in Meritocratic communication as well. I have no answers yet. Apophis alone has been silent.

I have asked a favour of Einstein. You’ll know when he grants it. As for his safety... He survived decades in academia, I suspect he is more resilient than he appears.

As am I.

Do stay safe.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Wilde,

I am cautiously hopeful that your sources may reveal more than my own, given that those have been drying out lately. Those who haven’t … have not grown more reliable as time has passed.

He has kept contact with me, which I’m sure will not surprise you. He seems to prefer direct communication to missives and orders, so maybe there is something to be seen.

He does seem shockingly competent, considering what reports of him tend to say, yes. You may be right. I hope you are. He might even be useful.

We’re trying to. Same to you, Wilde.


	4. ???/Cairo

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

Forgive the delay. I am no longer in Damascus and would prefer not to elaborate. I suspect I am pursued.

Einstein remains, keeping vigil. He is as safe as any of us.

Increasingly, reports from Europe mention pockets of disease amidst the riots. Instinct compels me to anxiety on that score. I wish I knew why.

Is there a temple to Hephaestus near Cairo? If so, please confirm whether it’s being used. It’s vital.

I am not too proud to admit I find nomadic life taxing. I miss civilised comforts. I miss company. I miss  coffee. ~~I miss y~~

* * *

####  **Saira**

Dear Wilde,

Do what you must. Fewer details are safer, so long as my letters still reach you.

We have considered relocating ourselves, loathe though we are. News has been getting rarer and stranger every day, and my responsibilities force me to entertain the option. For now, yes, there is an active temple in the city. Do not hesitate to tell me what you require.

I cannot imagine how unmoored you must feel, but I hope my attachment survives the journey into your hands. Though it isn’t much, I trust that you won’t dislike it. It’s my favourite.

Be well.


	5. ???/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

You have my undying gratitude, and exquisite taste, whereas I have no news, and no hope that it means good news. Whoever coined that phrase should be shot.

Official communication continues deteriorating. I no longer trust my superiors or their orders. I trust you. If that’s misplaced, I’m already fucked.

Please pardon my crude phrasing. Circumstances see me losing patience with niceties.

I am reaching out to unexpected sources- we need allies, wherever we can find them. Know that I remain devoted to order and civilisation, no matter what you hear.

Please tell Apophis. I think he is uncompromised.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Dear Wilde,

I’ll gladly send more, if it helps. We have no shortage of resources yet, though deliveries of foreign goods have become more and more infrequent. A result of the riots, maybe?

The same is true on our end. Communication from the other Meritocrats can only be described as erratic, and is usually contradictory.

No need to mince words, friend. Be frank. Remember, these letters are personal.

Do not worry, please. I trust you, and rumours are less reliable than ever before.

We have since relocated, though where to is no secret. Apophis is safe. I’ll let him know.


	6. ???/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

Another delay; I’m sorry. I’m glad you left Cairo; I confess I already knew. I passed through to find you and the Hephaestus lot gone. ~~Two hopes dashed at once.~~

No mincing words, then: I’ve contacted the Harlequins, seeking common ground. It’s plentiful enough, now, and they haven’t been the true threat for quite some time.

I don’t have all the pieces. I don’t even know the picture.

Saira, I’m afraid. I’m afraid we’re too late to stop something I cannot even name, but the dread of it squats in my bones like lead.

I’m afraid.

Please stay safe.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Dear Wilde,

I’m sorry I couldn’t go to the temple for you before we left.

You, my friend, are an exceptional man. I wish you luck in this endeavour, and ask that you keep me updated as much as I trust you to keep my name out of their minds for now.

I don’t think anybody knows, and certainly no-one who will tell us. Whatever is happening, we have no choice to keep going, in whatever ways we’re capable of. I dislike waking here, the ceilings are too high and the walls are too heavy.

Do not stop writing. Please.


	7. ???/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

Never. Writing to you is my chiefest comfort. I am still savouring your gift. I have no gift for you, alas, but words. You may have all of those you wish, for as long as you want them.

I am unexceptional in every regard save stubbornness. That, I will own. But flattery always did make me smile. Shall I flatter you? I tried once, and you called me insufferable. I remember it fondly.

No news, of course, or this letter would be less frivolous. (I am clinging to the frivolity; a bright point in the dreary sameness of waiting.)

* * *

####  **Saira**

Dear Wilde,

Your words are gift enough, for they are proof that you’re still there, still fighting, on my side if not by it. Remember, too, that I don’t waste my words on things I do not mean.

No letter I receive from you feels  frivolous . I find them soothing.

I am the opposite; rarely alone. How, then, do I feel so lonely? I find it hard to breathe when those I’m sworn to help are with me, harder still when they are not.

I do have news: Apophis remains safe, informed. No harm will come to him nor his.


	8. ???/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

Progress. I am in contact with someone I think is reliable. I’ll share more when I can. 

For now: indulge me.

It’s night. The air is warm and humid, and smells of salt. Water laps and splashes melodically against fishing hulls; I resist the urge to hum along. Music and magic are for me inseparable... if I must be without one, I will remain without the other.

I have a bottle of wine: serviceable, at least. I lack only someone with whom to share it.

Were circumstances otherwise, I would extend the invitation to you.

Would you accept, Saira?

* * *

####  **Saira**

Dear Wilde,

First, news: Einstein has contacted me, asking permission for a Harlequin associate — who will remain unnamed for now — to make use of the Cairo residence. I have granted it, provided I receive regular updates. Things are moving, finally.

Now, then. Yes, Wilde, I would, without hesitation. ~~I miss the scent of water in the air.~~ You need not even speak, if you so wish, though I have never minded your voice.

Remember this, Wilde: they can never steal the song from your heart. It’s yours, they cannot take it.

Attached, I hope you’ll find more coffee.


	9. ???/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

Knowing who asked, I suspect I know who will be in residence. No need to betray a confidence.

I have lost contact with Einstein, mutually agreed, for safety. Our link is too well known. Tell him I am well?

I cannot bring you to the water, nor it to you, but I can perhaps give you something of it. This page should smell of the sea- it soaked for some time while I watched a gravid moon floating high.

I have leads, I think. A direction, at least. Letters may be... infrequent. I regret that more keenly than expected.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Dear Wilde,

Thank you. I must’ve missed it more than I thought; I find myself holding the paper again and again.

Take care of yourself, my friend. Remember to sleep when you can, and to breathe when you feel trapped. You may be alone, but you’re never abandoned. Take as long as you need; your safety is paramount.

Apophis has begun acting on his own, though very covertly. I am the only one who knows.

Einstein has been told. He remains hopeful, keeps going back to Rome to wait. I cannot afford that luxury.

I have pronounced my brothers dead.


	10. Okunoshima Island/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Wilde**

Saira,

I understand. Our work allows little hope and requires cold practicality in increasing measure.

For that reason: anyone not already in your household  must not come into contact with those who are. The plague spreads quickly. I am learning more; for now: isolate as completely as possible. I suspect  no-one is immune.

My only friend: I cannot lose you as well.

Paltry comfort, but: I sang for you. When I received your letter. I hoped, foolishly, that some errant god still listening might carry it to you.

It is the first song since Damascus.

I have not abandoned you.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Dear Wilde,

We are as protected as we can possibly be, right now. Ismail has begun receiving lessons in magic from a mutual friend whose safety also requires isolation, and we’ve been taking precautions for months. Whatever this is, it frightens me, when I have the time.

It reached me, dear friend. It found me. I ~~was~~ am lost for words, so this has to suffice: I heard you. I hear you.

I wish I could do more for you than write, but my place is here, as yours is out there. Sometimes, I hate that. This helps.

Yours, Saira


	11. Okunoshima Island/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Zolf**

Don’t know how these get to you, hope this one finds its way. Hard to tell, but I think there’s been some time since your last came.

You seem important to Wilde, so I thought it fair to tell you he’s been hurt.

Still living, the news ain’t that bad, but it was a near thing. He’s ~~recov~~ ~~recoupr~~ getting better. It’ll be slow going, but I’m good at what I do, and I ain’t letting him die.

He sings, drifting in and out. I hear a name, sometimes. He cares about you.

Was sorry to hear about your brothers.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Thank you … for letting me know. And for taking care of him, if that is the truth — you’ll excuse my distrust, given you declined to even give a name.

Keep him safe, if you can, and keep doing your work, whatever it is, as long as it helps the cause. He is, according to himself,  quite stubborn. Remind him of that, if you would.

He seems to trust you, for whatever that’s worth. Don’t you dare abuse that gift.

Wilde, I expect to hear from you as soon as you’re able. Please. Your song never leaves my thoughts.


	12. Okunoshima Island/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Zolf**

Oh, gods damn me for an idiot. I apologise- shoulda thought of that.

Your brother might've mentioned me- met in London, left in Prague. Not keen on names written down just now, hope you understand.

I know how stubborn this ass is, I promise. Wanted to drown him for it, once. As for me. Well. I trust myself more now than I did once, and that'll have to do, I suppose.

He ain't through it yet, but he's mending. Read him your note, or part of it. He smiled and slept sounder for a while after, and I thank you.

* * *

####  **Saira**

I do believe I know, yes. He did mention you. I am truly sorry that you had to find out about him and the others this way, and I hope you’ll find the time to grieve.

Thank you for the update. I’m glad to hear I … may have helped, a little. At least this way he’s resting, I suppose — he never did seem fond of that when we met.

Since you are filling in for him, for now: things have been getting worse. He was correct; nobody is safe, not even paladins. Be careful, for both your sakes.


	13. Okunoshima Island/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Zolf**

Never met you but your brother mentioned you. You sound a good lass. I wish you didn’t have to carry this - I’ve had practice grieving; never gets easier, but you get used to it, after a while - but you shouldn’t have to learn that lesson.

Anyhow. You did help. He’s improvin and the day’s coming I won’t be able to keep him tied down in his bed to keep healing, which is the best I can hope for from that great twit so I suppose we’ll have to call it good enough.

Next note should be from him, gods willin.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Thank you, genuinely. I fear I’m going to, unfortunately — ask Wilde when he’s awake enough, if you didn’t keep up with newspapers before. I wouldn’t fault you for it.

That’s good to hear. It’s good to know he’s got someone at his side who cares for and about him, truly. I worry about him every day, more than I likely should given everything.

Things here keep deteriorating. Europe is lost, likely irrevocably. By now, I am as informed of current events as anyone may be, and things are looking worse than bad everywhere, for everyone.

Keep your friends close.


	14. Okunoshima Island/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Wilde**

Dear Saira,

I am as well again as I can be, and ~~Zo~~ my companion assures me you were instrumental in this. 

I dreamt of you, I’m certain. I won’t share them - it is quite improper enough to mention them at all.

I was aware of Europe. I learned of it immediately prior to my ...accident, and have been made aware of events since, now that I am well. I rail against the hopelessness of it all, and am trying to locate what pieces I have on the board.

I may have more of them than anticipated.

Please stay safe.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Dearest Wilde,

It’s an unspeakable relief to see your handwriting again. I have missed you dearly, but you’ll have guessed as much, I suspect.

I … would not have minded, had you shared. Your books are good, your letters better.

I will not call you brave, because that would do you a disservice. But I trust you, and if anyone can bend the world to his will, it’s you. Be careful not to overextend, I know you want to. You’re far too valuable to lose, for us ~~and for me~~.

Don’t mind the stain. I really  have missed your letters.


	15. Okunoshima Island/The al-Tahan Country Estate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end, lovelies! Thank you for sticking with us for so long <3

####  **Wilde**

Dear Saira,

I’ve insufficient paper to relate all I dreamt. Dream, in fact, as they did not end with my convalescence. Enough to fill a book, one I will never publish.

A copy, perhaps, for you.

I am pushing. We’ll see if the world bends, or if I do. If I must burn to nothing to make it safe ~~for you~~ then I willingly become ash. Let a kind wind carry me to you to see it done before I rest.

Premature musing; ignore it. I have news which you shall hear before this reaches you, one way or another.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Oscar,

I’d like that. I’d like it more if, one day, you could tell me in person. I have lost the habit of hoping, but with recent occurrences ... I find it creeping back into my heart.

Know that I want nothing less than for you to be lost, if it can be at all avoided.

The waiting is torture. A week has only ever seemed this long when I was fearing for your life. I long to lose track of time in your arms, though maybe … maybe, if this is ever over.

Hope is terrifying, isn’t it?

Yours, Saira


	16. Okunoshima Island/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Wilde**

Hope is the heaviest burden. Hope requires that one not merely succeed, but survive. When one has set hope aside, to take it up again...

It is the most welcome burden I have shouldered.

I owe you a lifetime of apologies. Your brother is one of my pieces in this game and I  must use him. I do not lightly send him into danger, but. The danger is everywhere, now. We fight, or we die, and he fights with astonishing ferocity.

Given that’s the case, I hope you will also forgive me calling you-

My own.

As I am yours.

* * *

####  **Saira**

Oscar,

My Oscar.

There is nothing to forgive, and you know it — he knows what he’s doing, and he makes his own decisions. If he has gone along with your plans, it is because he wanted to.

My world has grown louder, recently, but it grew brighter when I heard your voice. We fret, and my brothers know as little as possible for their own protection. It’s hard, sometimes, when I feel like I might burst into flames with hope and fear and longing. For you, in case that needed saying.

One day, I’ll feel you, insufferable man.

Yours.


	17. Okunoshima Island/The al-Tahan Country Estate

####  **Wilde**

My own.

A bizarre phrase. I never expected to say it with intent, yet here we are.

My pieces have returned from another part of the board, and they have returned successful. Whether they return intact... I will know in two more days. They hate me, at present, and I don’t discourage it. Not until I  know.

I hear them talking - cold, they call me, and driven. They are correct. All my warmth belongs to you, held in reserve, and it makes me relentless.

I will see this ended.

I will find you.

You’ll feel me, yes. And I you.

* * *

####  **Saira**

My Oscar,

I wish there was a way for me to hug you in these weeks. Instead, all I can do is remind you that, in all likelihood, their hatred isn’t real, but born from fear just like your own detachment.

Do you even need me to remind you? I hope not, but if you do: they know you have no choice, I’m sure.

Be relentless, but be safe. And, so you don’t make excuses: I mean your heart; I fear not for your body.

Find me, my love. I will not move until you do. Come home, my Oscar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we have reached the end! The end we wrote in ... early May. We took a while to put this up :D  
> Thank you lovelies for coming along for our odd little ride, and thank you all for the kudos & comments; we hope you enjoyed yourselves <3


End file.
